Traits you can learn from children

REPOST from October of last year

First the positives, then the creative spin on things:

1. Love - it seems all children have hearts big enough for the whole world. Any stray animal, anyone less fortunate than they are, every relative, and any baby - all can be loved in the same capacity. There is no place in them that can understand why anyone would ever let a holocaust happen.

2. Faith - When Spielberg left his bike out overnight and it was missing the next day, he just knew it had been stolen. We prayed. He looked everywhere he could think of. We drove around looking on all the side streets - all to no avail. We prayed more. The next day, I had a feeling I should drive down a side street before going on my errands, and then another feeling to turn around and go down a street I had passed earlier. There it was; his bike was laying next to the sidewalk in a bush. He just knew it would come back to him. Faith in those smaller things can be very encouraging for parents facing seemingly bigger challenges.

3. Forgiveness - the ability to forget their parents' or friends' wrongs against them, to embrace them, and accept apologies is an amazing gift (too bad it doesn't always extend to siblings).

4. Priorities - last year when Ty was really struggling because of the tumor, Spielberg commented to me that the tumor in Ty's body was like a war. I thought he meant that the good cells were fighting the bad cells, but he was really referring to the fight between our family (all of us, even Ty) and the tumor. He took it a step further and mentioned that it was like WWII when rationing was put in place. He explained that we were having to ration our time with the children because the tumor was requiring so much of our time and energy to fight it.

5. Ambition - are most kids this enterprising? Spielberg has run a lemonade stand/golf ball shop, a small vending machine, and an honor box (which is like a vending machine run on the honor system); Michelle has sold peaches from our tree, cucumbers and zucchini from the garden, toys she didn't want to play with any more, and lemonade; Nicole has tried to sell rocks, her inkblots and paintings, and crafts she's made. Michelle wanted a dog and she saved her pennies, spent hours thumbing through dog books and internet pages of shelter dogs, and she got one! Adria reminded me that after Michelle watched "The Secret," this was her dream. (see #2, above)

6. Imagination - Once, after recent dentist visits, I could hear the water running in the hall bathroom and the girls were giggling. I opened the door and there Michelle was, donned in latex gloves and one of those tie-on surgical masks, and wielding a toothbrush with Nicole sitting on a chair, and a towel draped around her neck. She was giving Nicole the "finer points of dental care" lecture and snapping digital xrays by sticking a baggie-covered popsicle stick into her mouth.

7. Helpfulness - (the double-edged sword) Nicole came running down the stairs screaming and crying, "I think I broke the computer!" She was hysterical and once she calmed down a bit, we discovered that she thought it would be a good idea to dust the inside of the computer tower - WITH A PIPE CLEANER.

"There were fireworks, and now my hand stings." We discovered black marks on her hand and when we turned off the power, we found the pipe cleaner had welded in 5 places to the frame of the computer - but it survived and Nicole was only shaken, not stirred.



8. Talents - Doing what you're good at, doing what you love. I routinely find Michelle in the midst of holding a preschool, gymnastics class, art group, or play group for the 3-4 year olds in our neighborhood. She is a natural teacher, a loving caregiver, and a miniature mom. She loves it, and so do they. Have I mentioned that she loves to administer tube feedings for Ty? I think she'd do IV flushes if I'd let her (don't worry, I won't - yet).

9. The Joy of Discovery - I remember when Ellie discovered her shadow. She was standing in front of the fridge, and the sun was streaming in through the window behind her. The lighting was just right to cast a life-size shadow right in front of her. She would point, then slowly walk toward her shadow. As she got closer, her shadow would move and seem to slip into that space between fridge and cabinet. She'd peek into that space, trying to see it, then back up and say, "Bye, bye," only to have her shadow reappear. She repeated this numerous times and then pointed to her shadow and said, "Geesie" (meaning herself). She was so excited about that little discovery.

10. Language Arts/How to Tell a Story - and by this I mean creativity with words. The ability to be tactful starts with a little white lie. This is also the origin of CYA in the adult world. Better have a good story, at least one better than the other guy.

11. Negotiation - every great lawyer has taken this trait and honed it to perfection, but it all started when they were a kid. Any boy who has ever convinced his mom to let him have a BB or Air Soft gun knows how this works (or any girl who has convinced her parents to let her have a dog). You ask for the sun, and you hope for the moon. You promise extra chores performed until graduation from college or eternal good behavior.

12. Persistence - (also known as the "Chinese Water Torture" or the "Can You Hear Me Now? How About Now? Now?") this trait is best developed in combination with Negotiation (see #11 above). If mom (or dad) says no, ask again. And again. And again. Ask it a little differently. Ask please with cherries on top, and whipped cream, and chocolate sprinkles, and please? Please?


13. Resilience - So what if you just ran headlong into the wall, turfed it off the swings, or skinned your knees? A kiss from mom and a band-aid are enough to get you up and running again. It's more fun to jump up, dust your self off, and play than it is to sit around and feel sorry about your owies (now that is a class I need to retake).

Things I forgot to bring this time around

1. The USB cord to my camera

2. Shower shoes - barefoot showers in any public place? nasty! Coping measure: handtowel on the floor of the shower. And while I'm talking about hospital bathrooms, whose brilliant idea was it not to put a second lock on the parent shower and to then face the toilet so your most vulnerable bits are facing the door? Why, a man of course! Had a woman designed that bathroom there would be shelves to place your belongings on within reach of the shower and a second curtain over the dressing area, something to sit on (of course you would put a towel on it), something besides flourescent lighting for putting on your make-up, there would even be working lights in the shower. And that toilet? It would be perpendicular to the door! These are not luxury spa accommodations, just common sense (but a spa/hospital - that would be something!) I'm pretty sure ICU is a money-maker for the hospital - why not take care of the consumer?

3. Blow dryer

4. Curling or flat iron -if I just step into a steamed up area, my hair makes an audible sproing! as it frizzes up and gives me a sort of halo effect.

5. Socks - how did I only bring 2 pair?

6. A different pair of shoes - I only brought my shootie-tootie boots and my feet are already feeling it. I do have a second pair in the back of the van, but it's 14 freezin' degrees out there.

7. Nail clippers

8. Cotton balls - total luxury item

9. My pillow - I brought it and it's still in the car, but it would require me to wear the boots, and did I mention it's pretty dang cold out there? I may have to hoof it out there and retrieve it, these hospital pillows are no match for my cloud of comfort which is like serenity in a pillowcase. I must fold up the tiny hospital-issue pillowette like a napkin and then it is like sleeping on a tic tac. Except without the minty flavor .

10. My razor - that one was on purpose, so technically I didn't forget it, I just left it.

11. Enough clothes. But it will relieve you to know that I did bring plenty of underwear (Chris). Good thing the nurses tend to change everyday so with any luck no one will notice that I am really rotating two sweaters.

12. My booklight

13. Umm, my coat. As a disclaimer, it was 4am when I got up to finish packing. And I may have had a few things on my mind.

What's the worst thing you've forgotten on a trip?

Lessons I've learned

This weekend I attended a conference for parents of deafblind children. It was wonderful (even though we were a couple hours late). The best part of the whole conference was meeting other parents and really connecting with them.

I met Lisa last year, but it was different seeing her this year because I'd read her blog regularly and felt like I knew her better. At least better than the few-hours-once-a-year opportunity I've usually had.

I also met up with some Brendas, Amanda, Mikael, Tiffiny and Lee, Lynn and Corry, Scott and Leslie, Geoff and Diana (sp?), Mikael and Jason, a new family (Cross), and so many others. I also missed some good friends - Derek and Stephanie, Stephen and Heather, and Kye. The State put this on for parents as part of a Technical Assistance/Training grant. We stayed at the Embassy Suites hotel (awesome breakfast, great location), and participated in several informative workshops.

As part of the conference this year, they requested a picture of each deaflind child as well as a writeup of the lessons we've learned from our child. To provide us inspiration, we watched the film Teachings of Jon - a very heartening depiction of living with a child (or adult) with disabilites.

And with that very long introduction, here are some of the things I've learned from Tyler:

1. Sometimes the things that we need (& that are for our good) are very difficult to go through. Sometimes those things are over quickly, like brushing your teeth, but sometimes they drag on, like chemotherapy or recovery from spinal fusion surgery.

2. A hug or a snuggle can go a long way towards making someone feel better. When Ty was having weekly chemo, he would get anxious and start 'yelling' at me as soon as we walked into the hospital. He weighs 75 lbs and is 5' 2" tall, but as soon as I would place him on my lap, he'd relax. There was something about holding him for three to four hours straight that helped me to relax too.

3. Kids in wheelchairs are still kids. A game of tag in a wheelchair can be even more exciting than it is on foot.

4. Everyone needs friends. Everyone - even boys in wheelchairs who can't talk, even their moms, dads, brothers, and sisters. Everyone.

5. Laugh often and with abandon; remember to take joy in the small things.

6. Every day, every moment is a gift to be treasured. Even the hardest days, are reminders that time goes by too quickly.

7. By all means, listen to your favorite music and dance in your own, unique way. It's one of the best pick-me-ups.


8. You don't have to be able to talk to tell people you love them.

9. When others help you, you both benefit. I know I've gotten far more from helping Tyler than he has gotten from me helping him.

10. Speak up if you don't like or don't understand something. People are not mind readers, you need to let them in on what you're thinking. (We all know very well how Tyler feels about church).

11. It's not worth it to get stressed out about being on time. Of course, you give it your due diligence, but inevitably there will be a diaper change right after you put the wheelchair into the van or some other event may slow you down. If you're going to be late, it's not going to benefit anyone if you get uptight about it. Like Mr. Triumph says, "We get there when we get there" or "at least we're trying to get there."

12. The world is at your fingertips. You only need to reach out and explore to expand your horizons.

13. For crying out loud, pack the overnight bag, already. (make sure you overpack it!)

For sure, there are a number of humorous, yet practical things too. Maybe I'll post about those later.

For fun and other stuff, like thinking

I'm highlighting blogs that aren't on my blogroll - because you have to know about these:

1. Because I said so, i mean - BECAUSE I SAID SO - You know that hilarious Ebay posting that was going around? About the Pokemon cards? Well, she has a blog and it's motherhood in all it's gory, I mean glory.

2. Notes From the Trenches - Chris has a large family (by today's standards) and she homeschools them and she has enough energy left over to be funny.

3. La Pajaro - You must read Birdie's Avon stories, especially this one. Word is that she's publishing a book soon and she also has a writing lesson column at blogher. This is my one exception to not being on my blogroll, but she's a recent addition. I owe this find to Adria.

4. Daring Young Mom - Sometimes, I can't stop holding my sides. If you can't laugh at this, you're not a female.

5. i gotta b - Here is a gal after my own heart. She says what I don't. This is a very good post of hers.

6. {my topography} - beautiful writing and photos. Thanks to Athena for sharing her find with us.

7. scribbit - she is my smorgasbord of entertainment: blogging tips, fun things to do with the kids, giveaways, writing contests, fun stuff to do in Alaska, recipes - she's got it all.

8. meg fowler - funny, and witty, oh so witty. She writes openly, amazingly, and dog gone it, people like her. (she's even on the radio)

9. Posie Gets Cozy - more delightful photos, recipes, writing, and sewing.

10. The Shabbee Chick - house eye candy, the very best kind. Especially for my mom and sis, Kelley.

11. blog of a redhead - science can be fun. Also, her husband makes gorgeous furniture.

12. dooce - a guilty read. She is irreverent and I think that's her point. If you don't like what she has to say, I'm sure you will enjoy her photos. (Also, mom, please don't read her - but if you do, please don't ground me forever).

13. Bloggy Giveaways - Shannon from Rocks in my Dryer has started a new site. If you are into winning free stuff, this is the place for you. Check it out.

Never leave home without it...

Having just recently returned from a trip, I have a few suggestions for those must pack essentials. I mean, just be sure to pack these items or you'll rue the day.

First, the little things:
1. Lotion - unless you're going to the tropics, you're going to wish you'd brought some moisturizer.

2. Nail Clippers - you will defnitely chip a nail or get dirt/sand (where did that come from?) under your nails and it will need removal.

3. Tweezers - if you leave these home, your brows will host their own love fest, Woodstock style and you will look like this guy.

4. Razor - I don't care if you're only going to be gone on an overnighter, if you leave your razor home an unspoken law of the Universe will kick in and hair will sprout like weeds.

5. Q-tips - for quick mascara cleanups or you know, in case your ears need cleaning. Obviously, these gals left their qtips at home.

6. Floss - You will inevitably eat something (like any kind of meat) that will become lodged in your teeth. It will drive you crazy until you stop somewhere and gladly fork over twice the regular amount of cash for some relief.

7. Allergy Medicine - especially if you haven't been to where you're going before. Think like a boy scout and always be prepared.

8. Kleenex - preferably the kind with lotion. This is a preventative measure, if you bring it you probably won't need it.

Now for the big stuff:
9. Atlas - who knows when you're going to get a wild idea, and want to see the sights? Make sure you have a map, a detailed map. This will prove invaluable when no one wants to stop and ask for directions. This will naturally make you more spontaneous and lead to adventure. Live it up, you're on vacation.

10. Cash - You need this for all the "nickel and dime" type purchases you make on vacation. Like snowcones, 32 oz. soda refills, and of course, floss!

11. Reading Material - you might think you should take the heavy reading kind of stuff, but this is vacation and you need some lighter fare like home magazines, celebrity gossip mags (if that's your thing), and a good beach read. I didn't have any of this stuff, just my standard heavy reading (Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent World) which is okay, but sometimes your brain needs a vacation too. We stopped in at the local big bookstore chain to browse. That is when I discovered that -

I have apparently been living under a rock these last couple of years because I'm one of the last people on the planet who hadn't read Twilight by Stephanie Meyer. It is definitely one of those easy reading kind of books - booktainment. It is a little bit like a time machine, in that you will experience your teen years and first big crush all over again. It is a bit steamy without being at all naughty (although I wouldn't want my teen daughter to read it, she might get too many ideas). Come to think of it, you might even be able to count it for exercise if it gets your heart rate up enough and that brings me to my next must have-

12. The cooler - If this is a road trip, you cannot leave without a cooler. Pack it with ice, water bottles, apples, grapes, carrot sticks, even string cheese. But, I'm telling you if you don't bring one, you will not be able to resist the junk food when you stop for gas. And then you will get vacation butt.

The best, and most important:
13. Chocolate - oh who cares if you do get vacation butt, it's a vacation right? Make sure to walk a lot, guzzle quarts of water, don't supersize any meals, and your M&Ms will make your vacation complete. Should you get get a flat, get lost, or find yourself miles from any food establishments, the chocolate will save the day.

Things that may (or may not) happen on Marathon Meeting day

1. Your regular go-to gal (for babysitting) will be unavailable and at a once-a-year conference, but your sister saves the day and hangs out with your kidlets. (by the way sis - put your picture back up).

2. An accident will snarl traffic and turn a 40-minute commute into two hours of vehicular torture for half the participants of the meeting.

3. Your Meeting Moral Support will get hit with a major 'back-to-school' sinus infection. (This is the bug that hits parents every year during the first week their kids return to the cess-pool that is the public school lunchroom), but new Meeting Moral Support will magically appear.

4. You will only discover that it is Marathon Meeting day when you arrive.

5. Your mom will not be available by phone when you try to find a sitter to cover the last half of the day.

6. But she will, by the miracle of Caller ID, be able to track you down and bail you out.

7. Work will sort of get done during the first meeting - that is, if you count scheduling another meeting as work. Really, we mean it this time. I mean next time. Next time we will get the work done. (Karen, you know I'm just having fun with this, right?).

8. Let's enjoy a beautiful, tasty lunch now that we've scheduled another meeting.

9. Moving on, the next meeting will be full of non-stop action, tension, and drama and last for four and a half hours. No wait, I'm pretty sure that was a Kevin Costner movie. Anyway, four and a half hours!

10. The important thing is that actual work will get done, even though the last hour will be a tap-dance/merry-go-round. Oops, did I say that out loud?

11. You will get a killer Marathon Meeting headache, but an angel will buy you a Dr. Pepper because you only have nickels, dimes, and pennies. Blast! that vending machine, bless that angel!

12. Someone will bring some applique to sew on. You know, to keep their hands busy so they can concentrate and not because they are bored. For rude! These meetings are never boring, that's why we like to schedule more of them.

13. When you get home and tuck your girls into bed, they will be so excited to show you what they did for school that they will stay up doing math with you until 10:30. Your little girls are geniuses!

Under the Knife

Edited to add a link for a baclofen pump
1. Nissen Fundoplication at 2 years of age

2. Gtube Surgical Placement

3. Submandibular Salivary Gland Removal

4. Left Hip Repair

5. Oral Surgery

6. Right Hip Repair

7. Hip Hardware Removal

8. Nissen Fundoplication Repair - Laparoscopy

9. Left Hip Re-repair

10. Baclofen Pump Placement

11. Exploratory biopsy and baclofen pump removal

12. Baclofen Catheter Removal

13. Second Biopsy

I'm so glad that it's only been thirteen surgeries - I know of so many others that are not that fortunate.

Why I'll never be a fabulous knitter

1. I don't have a cat, and I never will. This is a big one. It seems they serve as knitting muses. Besides the fact that I am just not a cat person (stems from psycho cat experience when I was 5 & I think they can smell my fear), I am also allergic to them. Something about a protein or enzyme in their saliva. So unless cats stop licking themselves and quit acting possessed, this will remain the number one stumbling block to my illustrious knitting career.

2. I'm allergic to wool. I tried to knit a pair of socks for my brother from 100% New Zealand wool and I nearly lost my left index finger. My finger looked almost as gross as my brother-in-law's foot when he got that oozy staph infection only I didn't require a wound-vac and several antibiotic prescriptions (ok and I didn't ooze, either). Also, things just don't look as beautiful when they are knit from acrylic. Why go to all that work just to have it pill up and look frumpy? This just doesn't look the same in Caron Soft as is it would in baby cashmerino.

3. My pocketbook. I've already spent most of my expendable (hah) cash on quilting fabric, notions, patterns, you name it. My husband might end up having a stroke or heart attack if I started investing heavily into exotic Cashmere, Alpaca, Silk, and Organic cotton yarns. Whoever said that knitting is cheaper than therapy was delusional - and I have a few words for them:

Ther. a. py!

4. Not enough hip accessories. Although these gorgeous stitch markers are enough to suck me back in. Knitting bling, who knew?

5. The needles tend to get in the way of our romantic moments. Once, when I was trying to get a pair of socks finished for my sister, I actually took my double points with me on a date and knit under the table during dinner. Nothing squelches romance like secretive knitting with double points. Ouch!

6. Poor concentration. If I knit straight stockinette or garter stitch there is nothing to it, but the selection of patterns there is rather limited. I love those wonderfully complicated cabled aran sweaters, but they require brain power that has long since dematerialized with birthing five children.

7. I am what you call graphically/pattern impaired. This is Greek to me. I always thought I had a gift for foreign languages, but chartspeak - is a whole different story. (And yes, if you want to make beautiful cabled or fair isle sweaters, socks, blankets, or what-have-you, you need to be fluent in this language).

8. Poor coordination. Let's see, I'm not exactly known for my grace and agility (I wasn't exactly first pick when it came to choosing-up softball teams). I have heard there is a two hand carry method for knitting fair isle sweaters that makes it, get this, easier. Wha-? This, easier? I've heard some whoppers, but being able to hold even tension in both hands, simultaneously? What are the odds, something like this?

9. I have an aversion to frogs, or anything remotely frog-like. For those of you who are new to knitting terminology, frogging is the term we use when we screw up and have to take our work and "rip-it" back to a pre-mistake row. Ribbit, ribbit, get it?

10. Knitting stashes are like Tribbles. Close the door and the yarn gets it on. Before you know it you can't keep up with all the knitting genealogy, and you are giving up precious shoe space for the yarn offspring.

11. All that counting. I can't tell you how many times I have had to count my cast on stitches before I was quite certain it was safe to proceed to the next row and still had to start over because I missed one. Dagnabbit!

12. Moths creep me out. And there is nothing like a banquet of wool to attract the little buggers. Or sometimes, not so little.

13.Lastly, I have one of these

and she is very distracting (in a good way). Until she grows up some, I'm stuck with being mediocre.

Bye, bye fabulousness.