Just smile and nod, it's the polite thing

While there are lots of qualities we hope to find in our friends, (such as honesty, loyalty, empathy, and of course someone who is generally FUN to be around), there are three crucial qualities that make for an even better friend.

First, an ability to keep confidentiality a priority, second, dependability and thoughtfulness go hand-in-hand, and lastly, discretion - don't we all want someone who knows when to listen and when to offer advice?

A short term memory like a sieve is relatively helpful for the first qualification. Every time you tell me a story, it's like the first time. All your secrets are safe in my vault, because not even I have the combination.

Unfortunately, I can sometimes remember stories, but not who told them to me. This may result in your having to listen to me relate a story that sounds vaguely familiar, in other words, a twist on your very own story - although I will be oblivious to that fact. Just smile and nod, it's the polite thing to do.

However, it doesn't mean that I'll forget your birthday. That's what planners are for. I can't guarantee that I'll remember to look in it, but in general I will remember your birthday. One of my friends (and we've known each other for 18 years) has a birthday in October, but every time September 22nd rolls around - I call to wish her a happy birthday. I'm so thoughtful, I'm a whole month early!

If I say I'll do something for you, it's because I really want to do it. You just might have to call and remind me, that's all. I would love to make you a meal when you've just had a baby, or surgery, or the absolute worst day. I would love to bring you hand-dipped chocolates, your favorite magazine, or some beautiful stationery when you're layed up with a sick child, a migraine, a domestic snafu (ie. broken appliance, flooded basement), or just because. Just make sure to tell me to write it down, it ought to increase the chance of me remembering it by about 50%.

Do you remember the song from the movie Ghostbusters? The one that goes like this: "Who you gonna call - Ghostbusters!" I am that song. You're going to call me when the chips are down,
because I will help you, or at least I know someone who can.

As far as knowing when to listen or give advice, intuition and strong teeth are very useful. Sometimes you are just bursting with advice - you think you know exactly what your friend should do to solve her problems, but usually you should just bite your tongue, offer a listening ear, and make understanding noises. Most of the time, a better friend acts as a sounding board.

There are few instances when I step in and offer advice, so few they are limited to giving referrals (for pediatricians, specialists, and stylists), recommending household products, and telling you when to Get Gephardt.

I know you're smart and all that, but there are several times when you should definitely bite your tongue, even to the point of drawing blood.

Never offer advice in marital spats or lover's quarrels, (unless someone is being physically harmed) it will come back to haunt you. It is not the time to jump in with, "I never thought Dipwad was good enough for you anyway." Your friend will get over being mad at her significant other, but she'll most likely remember what you said about Dipwad and might even tell him, yikes!

Never impune her taste in clothes, even if she asks you to be honest with her. You may save her from a fashion faux pas, but things will never be the same. Seriously, do not fall for the old, "Do these jeans make me look fat?" trick.

Never try to one-up your friend's suffering. She will not take kindly to any sentence prefaced with, "You think that's bad, I...." This is your turn to smile and nod, it's the polite (& understanding) thing to do.

And one last thing, you must do all this while being 100% genuinely concerned and interested in your friend or none of it applies.

Anything I overlooked?
This post was written for the Mommy Zabs “These 3 Things” Group Writing Project. I found out about it after the deadline, but I wanted to write to this prompt anyway. Check out the other entries.